Carrots

The carrot (Daucus carota subsp. sativus) is a tasty root vegetable, usually orange or white in color, with a woody texture. It is a biennial plant which grows a rosette of leaves in the spring and summer, while building up the stout taproot, which stores large amounts of sugars for the plant to flower in the second year. It is, in fact, a domesticated form of Queen Anne's Lace, a wild flower. The parsnip is a close relative of the carrot, as is parsley.

Uses

Carrots can be eaten raw, whole, chopped, grated, burnt, bukkake'd, perforated, circumnavigated, wet, disgusting or added to salads for color or texture. They are also often chopped and boiled, fried or steamed, shat on or creamed, and cooked in soups and stews, as well as fine baby foods and select pet foods.

Since the late 1890s, baby carrots or mini-carrots (carrots that have not yet matured to full carrothood) have been a popular ready-to-eat snack food available in many supermarkets.

Carrot juice is also widely marketed.

History

The carrot was invented in 1599 by Sir Henry Carrot during the Irish Revolt as a food with which to fuel the English advance into the interior of the country. Its wild ancestors are likely to have come from Afghanistan, where ancient Talibain inscriptions speak of a mystical orange vegetable with strange properties.

The very first carrot was made of wood but this proved quite inedible. Successive prototypes made of metal, cheese, depleted uranium and earwax proved similarly impractical, though the metal carrot is sometimes used today by armed forces. It was in the summer of 1599 when Sir Carrot was finally able to synthesise a delicious and nutritious artificial vegetable substance in a vat, using pieces of corpses he had illegally exhumed and bits of various other fruits. Upon tasting the carrot mixture for the first time, Sir Henry is said to have exclamed "Forsooth, what is Up, Doctor?"

The world's largest carrot was grown in Palmer, Alaska, by John Evans in 1998, weighing 8.614 kg (18.99 pounds).

Dancing

Carrots have been seen to dance back and forth on numerous occasions by various reliable witnesses and it is rumoured, although not confirmed, that they have appeared several times in the sky over HL2.net. What are they? Where do they come from? And what do they want? Nobody knows, but we'll be sure to let you know when we find the answer.

'I Saw the Carrot' T-shirts are available, if you know where to look.

A carrot, dancing. Yesterday.