My grandmother wants to die....

ShinRa · #1 10-11-2009, 03:15 AM

Here's the situation....

My grandmother, 84 years old, has been battling with stomach problems, mental problems, respiratory problems, and more surgeries than any human being should ever go through.

She calls me up at times to talk, and we're close. She has been telling me more and more lately that she just wants to die, she wants to go to her husband, whom died almost 25 years ago. She feels she has nothing left to live for here, and believe it or not, I understand that. I know she just wants to be at peace and go see her love.

My mother, 58, does not see it the way I see it. She doesn't want to lose her mother, and in turn hates me for the way I feel and thinks I'm the biggest asshole on earth. She's screaming and crying like a lunatic because she knows she's losing her mother. I try to be understanding of this as well.

Am I wrong for how I feel? She's had her mother around for longer than most people. Instead of seeing herself as fortunate, she's being selfish, trying to keep her mother alive for as long as possible.

Thoughts, concerns, comments?

Farrowlesparrow · #2 10-11-2009, 03:20 AM

Obviously your mum's position is understandable. I don't suppose you can do much to change her feelings towards you. I think, at least I hope, that in the end she will accept it just as most people accept death.
I think it's acceptable for people to want to die when they're in that situation.

I just don't think there's any advice I can give you

But you're not wrong to accept your grandma's wishes. I wouldn't hold it against you mum. She might be acting selfish, but letting go of your mum is going to be hard, no matter how long you've had her around.

Dog-- · #3 10-11-2009, 03:21 AM

My whole family has the exact same philosophy on death and old age (literally I've talked to them all about this) they all say as soon as they are old and immobile and need someone to take care of them they would rather just be killed, I as well. We are all really active and really enjoy being independent, so as soon as you take that away there isn't a point, I could never just sit and wait for death. So that being said I completely understand what she means, where you cant eat what you want, cant think the way you want and cant breathe properly (the most basic human function), and being subjected to all those surgeries I'd just want them to stick me full of shit to kill me too.

Your not an asshole, you are just seeing things how they are.

DEATHMASTER · #4 10-11-2009, 03:45 AM

I concur with understanding her (your grandma's) position. I should probably reiterate throughout my life to my family that if I end up ****ed up and want to die, I REALLY DO.

xcellerate · #5 10-11-2009, 04:12 AM

My grandmother is 92 and her husband of over 50 years died about 6 years ago, I couldn't imagine what that feels like; being with somebody for that long and then you wake up one day and they're not there....

Remus · #6 10-11-2009, 05:01 AM

I understand your grandmother's position. Both my grandparents on my father's side were in terrible shape when they died.

My grandfather could barely talk or walk at all, so whenever i went to see him he was always in bed. A few moths after he died my grandmother had a stroke. I had never seen a stroke victim before. It was horrible. You know the effects of sleep paralysis when your mind is awake but your body isn't, you can't talk, only mumble, and can't move. Well it was exactly like that. She passed away after a few weeks of that ordeal.

However I can also understand your mother's feelings. My father lost both his parents only a few months apart, I can't begin to imagine the pain he felt, even though he didn't show it.

xdrive · #7 10-11-2009, 05:46 AM

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

BHC · #8 10-11-2009, 06:15 AM

Start hanging out with her and putting sedative/opiate drugs in her drinks. She'll talk her heart out about this and that--and say things you'll genuinely remember. It will be lovely and her last moments will be happy, she'll reminisce and you can write and record some of it for the future generations.

Or you could just ask her if she wants drugs.

Drugs.

kupocake · #9 10-11-2009, 06:51 AM

Depression in old people is just something societies are so poor at handling. I'd like to think we could just do more to make their lives fulfilling (because we're crap at looking after them in general too) but depression just seems so rational at that age because we all just get depressed thinking about it. But try to float her house to South America anyway.

Shyam · #10 10-11-2009, 08:01 AM

Wow, that's a tough situation. I don't think I can give any advice, but I sincerely wish your grandma all the best.

Quote:

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

I think that was a bit inappropriate.

Raziaar · #11 10-11-2009, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xdrive

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

Have some tact.

VirusType2 · #12 10-11-2009, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xdrive

get a sawn off shotgun and shoot her.

Why are you not banned? Like when I smash bugs but they keep moving, "why won't you just die?"

Tyguy · #13 10-11-2009, 02:08 PM

If she's suffering than you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting that to end imo.

Naph · #14 10-11-2009, 02:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VirusType2

Why are you not banned? Like when I smash bugs but they keep moving, "why won't you just die?"

"Even though I'm no more than a beast, don't I, too, have the right to live?"

VirusType2 · #15 10-11-2009, 02:15 PM

Not if you fly about my home from restroom to kitchen, spreading disease and endangering my health.