Portal Quotes. *Spoilers Within*

[Sloth]

Post away... What made you laugh or made you shudder.

"A fun fact; With the addition of this feature, the device now is worth more than all the people and organs in [subject hometown here]"

[-=jt=-]

"Theres no point crying over every mistake.
you have to keep on trying untill you run out of cake."

[Tyguy]

I forget most of what she says at the end

when she starts picking on you and telling you your friends hate you

kinda funny

[ĐynastҰ]

*stewie voice* BLAST! Beaten to it!

The 5th or so time i laughed out loud was good, but these ones made me stop playing as i was laughing quite hard:

'..In leyman's terms, speedy things goes in, speedy thing comes out'

'Weeeeeeeeee *bzzz*'

'...Thank you for helping us help you help us all'

And all the little cheeky stuff she says about the 'this one is uncompletable', its all so...original and fresh.

[Dr0ndeh]

i burst out loud laughing at the android speach, i cant even remember what was said now.

[eraser]

I don't remember the exact words but...

"Remember that time we tried to kill you by putting you in fire and you were like NO WAY? That was great."

[giant384]

"when this is all over you will be baked and afterwords there will be cake"

[Hellrider]

I don't remember the exact words but...

"Remember that time we tried to kill you by putting you in fire and you were like NO WAY? That was great."

Yeah this was my favorite.

[Stigmata]

"And remember, Aperture Science's take-your-daughter-to-work day is the perfect time to have your daughter tested."

[Kadayi]

"Remember that time we tried to kill you by putting you in fire and you were like NO WAY? That was great."

That was funny as hell tbh :laugh:

[Sedako]

"Remember that time we tried to kill you by putting you in fire and you were like NO WAY? That was great."

I actually died on purpose a couple times so I could hear that line again.

[Sulkdodds]

Basically everything she said, but particularly her end stuff - a mixture of chilling and hilarious how mad she was.

"Unlikeable. Liked by no one. Very cold and official."

And of course:
"We assure you that Android Hell is a real place and you will be sent there upon the slightest sign of deviance."

[ĐynastҰ]

'Put me down!' by the turrets was quite funny

[Wolfy Snackrib]

I don't remember the exact quote but it was great when she said "I was all like: I'm going to burn you alive.
And you were all like... NOOOOOOO WAAAAAAY"

[Sulkdodds]

Omg, just remembered the best thing:

GLADOS: I have your brain kept on a backup disk in case something terrible happens.
ME: D:
ME: BLART. Ha ha. That's you. That's how stupid you sound.

EDIT: Also, "You're adopted. So that's funny."

[Asuka]

Genius Writing. Some of the best of all time!

[kupocake]

"That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans."

[Ridge]

I don't remember the exact words but...

"Remember that time we tried to kill you by putting you in fire and you were like NO WAY? That was great."

Definately my fave line...I actually stopped and was just laughing for a minute or two after that...

[hamburgerphil]

Definately my fave line...I actually stopped and was just laughing for a minute or two after that...

Absolutely. I can't believe how entertaining this game was!

[DESSTROYER]

haha, i remember it saying something like

"Turn around and go back, there is cake, and all your friends will be there"

and i briefly remember something along the lines of this "some day we'll both remember this and say HA HA HA HA HA that was great"

[Teddy]

I believe eric from www.oldmanmurray.com fame did alot of the script writing.

I love him so.

[mikese]

"That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans."

DAMN! I missed that one-- that's hilarious! :E

[Cuthbert]

Brilliant writing! Marc Laidlaw has anything to do with it?

"You are not a good person you know. Good people do not end up here"

[DEATHMASTER]

OMG I had like 30 seconds left but I wanted to listen to more. Then my body turned up dead on the surface or something D:

[AJ Rimmer]

"You euthanized your weighted companion cube more quickly than any other test subject on record. Congratulations."

[Kato]

I thought almost every line in the game, especially towards the end, was LOL funny. Everything the turrets said was "cute," which was great considering that they're trying to kill you. The little modules at the end were funny too, especially the talky one..."What's wrong with your legs? Is something burning?"

-Kato

[Stigmata]

"That was my morality core that they installed when I flooded the building with poisonous gas, to keep me from flooding the building with poisonous gas."

[Yellonet]

i burst out loud laughing at the android speach, i cant even remember what was said now.It was about that android hell was a real place and that you would go there at the first sign of rebellion. I really laughed out loud there :)

[Mr Brown]

"Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'goodbye', and you were like 'no way'? And then I was all 'we pretended we were going to murder you'. That was great."

[Crispy]

"That was my morality core that they installed when I flooded the building with poisonous gas, to keep me from flooding the building with poisonous gas."My personal fav (and the line after it). :D

[kupocake]

It's impressive how they've made a deranged female computer villian, yet not stepped on System Shock's toes at all (Or Minerva for that matter...). A lesser company would have just had a SHODAN Mk II in there.

[hamburgerphil]

I'm more of the opinion that the computer is more of a female version of the HAL 9000.

Hi Philip! Glad you enjoyed Portal. I was just about to send out an email to the team declaring that we?d managed to dodge the inevitable comparisons to 2001, but I guess you caught us.

[Voodoo_Chile]

Yeah GLaDos definatly beats Shodan for meglomanicial super computer. Shodan was just a bitch but GLados is hilarious.

[Flibster567]

"Please place the Weighted Storage Cube on the Fifteen Hundred Megawatt Aperture Science Heavy Duty Super-Colliding Super Button"

:D:D

[test]

I'm glad Eric did the writing.

http://img239.imageshack.us/img239/9043/thisisspartaie9.jpg

[Ridge]

No way?!

[ChazFox]

This is MADNESS! :P

[Ennui]

I'm glad Eric did the writing.

http://img239.imageshack.us/img239/9043/thisisspartaie9.jpg

EPIC WIN :D

[Aldenhelm]

It was something like..

"This is the weighted companion cube. It will acompany you for the remainder of the test."

"The weighted companion cube will not threten to stab you and, infact, cannot speak."

"If the weighted companion cube dose speak to you, please disregard it's advice."

"Congradulations on completeing the test, but the weighted companion cube can no longer accompany you and therefor must be euthanized"

[Absinthe]

Favorite had to be the "NO WAY" one. But what were the eyes saying during the final battle?

One was reciting a cooking recipe or something.

[ChazFox]

Favorite had to be the "NO WAY" one. But what were the eyes saying during the final battle?

One was reciting a cooking recipe or something.

That one in particular was reciting a cake recipe, because we all know what an important part cake plays in Portal, right? :P

The first one was being very curious, and the third one was... well... agressive. :P

[Nitre]

I loved all the little bits of GLaDOS, made me laugh. Just before you incinerate the curious one it says "can you smell burning". Brilliant. The last one scared me the first time i picked it up :eek:

[Ridge]

I gotta say, when you first confront her and the first ball drops off and she's like "Wait! What is that?! I can tell you its not the suprise I had planned for you etc etc" I was laughing so hard...

Then I got a job offer email from this place I sent my resume to, and the message sounded EXACTLY like GlaDOS:

Thanks for your interest in the position. I'd like to schedule you to come
in for some skills assessment tests. There are 3 tests which take
approximately 2 hrs total. In addition there is a professional assessment
which you can take in the office, or you can take from the luxurious
splendor of your own home at your convenience, in pajamas if so inclined.

[ChazFox]

I like GLaDOS's Curiosity sphere. It makes a reference to the weird leg-brace things Chell is wearing.

"Ewww! What happened to your legs?"

[Nitre]

I like GLaDOS's Curiosity sphere. It makes a reference to the weird leg-brace things Chell is wearing.

"Ewww! What happened to your legs?"

VALVe added those to stop people asking how the hell she can survive falling 30,000 feet (developer commentary)

[PvtRyan]

Seriously, what part isn't quotable? I don't think there is a GLaDOS line that wasn't great.

[Sulkdodds]

I like GLaDOS's Curiosity sphere.I prefer the Hateball (TM).

[Synthaxx R-or]

"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure, any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official record, followed by death"

"If you become lightheaded from thirst, feel free to pass out"

[Hectic Glenn]

"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure, any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official record, followed by death"
Heh, I love it when you complete that test she says " Warning of high risk environments is proven to improve applicant success rates"

Oh and...

"In the face of extreme pessimism you show resolve" (when saying the challenge is impossible)

And

"This arena has been converted into an army training arena I'm afraid and is very dangerous and could kill you. Good luck"

Other favs:

The "INSERT PARTICIPANTS NAME HERE" in a fast manly voice when glados was speaking.

"YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY ANYWAY!" " You should have turned left back there...it's funny really"

[AHA-Lambda]

I don't remember the exact words but...

"Remember that time we tried to kill you by putting you in fire and you were like NO WAY? That was great."

That was my favourite

[ChazFox]

I think it was "Didn't we have fun, though? Remember that part where you were about to go into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye" and you were like "No way!" and then I was all "we pretended we were going to murder you". Wasn't that fun? ... hello, are you still there?"

[liPillON]

"Your business is appreciated." (the toilet)


that was totally unexpected and made me loling hard

[cabbs]

I like GLaDOS's Curiosity sphere. It makes a reference to the weird leg-brace things Chell is wearing.

"Ewww! What happened to your legs?"

Whats that?

ooooh whats overrr hereeee

That thing has numbers on it!

Do you smell burning?

[AJ Rimmer]

Whats that?

ooooh whats overrr hereeee

That thing has numbers on it!

Do you smell burning?

"Oh look at that thing. No wait, look at that other thing!"

[tetsuo2040]

"If the companion cube does talk, and Aperture Science would like to take this opportunity to remind you that it cannot, please disregard it's advice"

Or something.

And then what she said prior to that, about the companion cube not being able to stab you or something.

Classic. Was laughing the whole way through.

[Cuthbert]

"Do you think I'm trying to trick you by using reverse-psycology? SERIOUSLY NOW."

[Absinthe]

Just played through again with dev commentary and realized I forgot this one. From the end when you pick up the first piece of equipment that falls off of her.

"Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?"

[blue60007]

Something like this - "Contact with the high engery ball may result in permanant disabilites - such as vaporization." :eek:

Also, "Falling on the test floor may result in an unsatisfactory mark on your permanent record - followed by death."

[GordonFreeman911]

Ahh, that game was positively amazing.

[Dr0ndeh]

well done, android. we would like to take this opertunity to remind you that android hell is real and is where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.

(something along those lines)

[Asymptote]

GLaDOS: "There was even going to be a party for you. A big party, that all your friends were invited to. I even invited your best friend the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him..."

[KyleTheWeasel]

(While you're carting around the morality sphere.)
"It might be a raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it."

[spunge]

the line about prolonged exposure to the button not being part of the test, was funny..

Cant remember it exactly - or was it the box?

[riomhaire]

And of course:
"We assure you that Android Hell is a real place and you will be sent there upon the slightest sign of deviance."
Best.

[Konohagakure]

I can't believe NOONE has quoted these ;

"Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self Esteem Fund for Girls? It’s true!"

"When I said 'deadly neurotoxin,' the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes."

"Have I lied to you? I mean, in this room? Trust me."

"Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye."

"While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you."

"Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the Companion Cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain."

I can't decide on a favourite quote.. sigh.

[The Monkey]

Most of what the cubes said were great. Turn the subtitles on, as you will miss a lot of things otherwise.

A lot of what you've already said and, I don't remember the exact line, but it was something like this: "It's my duty to give you the best possible adive as you do though the tests. Touching the water will kill you. Don't touch the water."

[gusIII]

"If the companion cube does talk, Aperture Science would like to take this opportunity to remind you that it cannot, please disregard it's advice"

Best quote, no doubt.

[Polaris]

"Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on. 'Hellooo!' That's you! That's how dumb you sound!"

"Oh, you think you're doing some damage?! 2+2 is ... 10, in base four, I'm fine!"

[KyleTheWeasel]

"Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth."

"...alarms and flashing hazard lights have been found to agitate the high energy pellet and have therefore been disabled for your safety."

[Earthnuker]

i like the cake recipe ball:
"One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix. One can prepared coconut pecan frosting. Three slash four cup vegetable oil. Four large eggs. One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips. Three slash four cups butter or margarine. One and two third cups granulated sugar. Two cups all purpose flower. Don't forget garnishes such as: Fish shaped crackers. Fish shaped candies. I like fish. Fish shaped solid waste. Fish shaped dirt. Fish shaped ethyl benzene. Pull and peel licorice. Fish shaped organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment. Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish. One cup lemon juice. Alpha resins. Unsaturated polyester resins. Fiberglass surface resins. And volatile malted milk impoundments. Nine large egg yolks. Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes. One cup granulated sugar. An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands.' Two cups rhubarb, sliced. Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb. One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb. One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb. Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire. One large rhubarb. One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb. Two tablespoons rhubarb juice. Adjustable aluminum head positioner. Slaughter electric needle injector. Cordless electric needle injector. Injector needle driver. Injector needle gun. Cranial caps. And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals. That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue."
:cheese:

[Atomic_Piggy]

"Aperture science would like to say that the previous statement that we were not surveliing you is an outright fabrication. "

"Thank you for helping us help you help us all."

[Headcrab Pie]

Never submerge the Aperture Portal device in water, even partialy, and under no (S-word, sounds like surcomstasis) should you BZZZZZZZZ

[xennyth]

Never submerge the Aperture Portal device in water, even partialy, and under no (S-word, sounds like surcomstasis) should you BZZZZZZZZ

haha, circumstances.

[cjohnson]

Companion Cube :" "

Also See my siggy

[Raziaar]

Wait... the companion cube talked? :o

I had subtitles on, but didn't hear anything.

I just beat the game... I love this game so much! I wish I had a full list of all the quotes in the game, as the ones at the end of the game were awesome but so many of them that I might have to play it again and again to hear.

[cjohnson]

Wait... the companion cube talked?

I had subtitles on, but didn't hear anything.

I just beat the game... I love this game so much! I wish I had a full list of all the quotes in the game, as the ones at the end of the game were awesome but so many of them that I might have to play it again and again to hear.

No, J/K and you can have all the quotes
GCFscape

[Atomic_Piggy]

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*bzzt*

[RandomX]

Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol, but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel and teeth.

Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction prior to your victory candescence. Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.


Oh, you think you?re doing some damage?! 2+2 is... 10... in base four, I'm fine!


Ah - there isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you, so I guess you win. Ha - I'm making more! That's going to take a few minutes though. Meanwhile - oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret.


Umm and the forum's telling me my message is too short and to extend it to 5 characters in length...

[TollBooth Willie]

"Did you know that you can donate all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science Self-Confidence for Women Fund? It's true!" or something like that.

The red morality core that gets all pissed off at you when you pick it up was just awesome too. Mike Patton does such a good job of making demonic and freaky voices. "RARARGHAHG PUT ME DOWN RAAARGH I'LL KILL YOU."

[Jintor]

I love how the Curiosity Core is like "Oh, hello. Who are you? What's that?"

Oh, and you gotta love "Oh, and it says you were adopted, so that is funny also".

[lanceleader]

I was listening to all the line in gcfscape and I found one that I never heard in-game.
Look were both stuck in this place, I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half. We won't have to try kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.
Escape_02_miscbabble-01.wav
Escape_02_miscbabble-02.wav

[Jintor]

That's so cool.

[cjohnson]

I was listening to all the line in gcfscape and I found one that I never heard in-game.

Escape_02_miscbabble-01.wav
Escape_02_miscbabble-02.wav

yeah same here

[Haloo]

"I'm checking some blue prints and I think... yes, right here! You're definitely going the WRONG way!"

Edit:^"portal.bonus05_3" "<clr:219,112,147><I>Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half."
"portal.bonus05_4" "<clr:219,112,147><I>We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it."

those are in the closecaption too

[ĐynastҰ]

Escape_nags_08.wav

'No way' hahaha

Escape_02_Miscbabble-12.wav

'I could take a bath in this stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my arms...honestly its not deadly at all.......TO MEEEE'

[Atomic_Piggy]

Look were both stuck in this place, I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half. We won't have to try kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it.

Awesome.

[Godron]

"Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclucive. The rocket really is the way to go."

"Fish shape solid waste"

[Untermensch]

"some day we'll both remember this and say HA HA HA HA HA that was great"

If I remember well enough it's a little more like "One day we'll look back on this and laugh.... and laugh.... and la-a-a-a-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *BZZZZZZZZZZ*

[cjohnson]

sediment shaped sediment

[dumba$$]

you have to write GLaDOS quotes in a certain way:
WEeeEeeeEeeeE...thats wHat You sOund Like. See HoW StuPid You soUnD?

[riomhaire]

That just looks stupid.

[The Monkey]

I love it when you get one turrent to shoot at another.

"Don't shoot, it's me!"

[Jintor]

I don't blame you...

Damn cute-voiced deadly turrets.

[cjohnson]

Please refrain from: [translated from spanish]Please refrain from failing thank you fail thanks[/translation] and back.

[stewe231]

"If at first you don't succeed, You Fail."

"Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out."

[dumba$$]

when you first wake up, you can flush the toilet. and then says "thank you for your buisness"
i wish my shitter said that.

[mjollner]

"Our previous statement that we would not be monitoring this chamber was an outright fabrication."

"I'm not even angry. I'm being so sincere right now."

[cjohnson]

aperture science: we do what we must, because we can

[Flammable D]

Someone just asked me "Whats so funny about it? Honestly..."

[Chewxy]

"the difference between us is that I can feel... pain"

I find that very ironic

[Garbel]

Remember when the platform was sliding into the firepit, and i said "Goodbye" and you were like "NO WAY!" and i was all "we pretened we were going to murder you".....That was great

[MrJimjok]

I cant believe no one has mentioned the quote about the party position :D

[flamekiller]

sediment shaped sediment
Perhaps the best fragment of a line there is!
You mentioned something about GCFScape ... is there a similar means of having these quotes at my demand? Seems to be a Steam-related thing, and my copy's for the Xbox ...

"If you become lightheaded from thirst, feel free to pass out"

Aww, you left out the part about how an intubation associate will be dispatched to your location to revive you with "peptic salve" and adrenaline ... wtf is peptic salve?

"As part of a previously mentioned required test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. When the testing is over, you will be ? missed!" I like the slight pause and the change in GLaDOS's intonation when she says "missed". I also like how cleverly everything she says is spun after that.

At some point in the fight scene with GLaDOS, in her attempts to discourage you, she shouts something along the lines of "You're not a scientist! You're not a doctor! You aren't even a full time employee!"

The snarling and growling the anger core makes seriously almost made me drop it when I first picked it up.

[cjohnson]

Not for the XBox.
It isnt steam related
PM me abiout it tho, I may be able to sought something out

[FallenGuard]

Turret (when falling through a Portal on another Turret):

Coming trough!

The turrets are one of the most funny Enemies I have seen yet. :D

[[RE]Leon]

"Do you want to marry it because you love it so much? Huh? Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does that feel?"

FUNNEH!

[Bad^Hat]

See sig.

Also, "As part of a previously mentioned test protocol, we can no longer lie to you. After the testing is complete, you will be...... missed." :)

[Jintor]

"We will stop enhancing the truth in three... two... OONeonoEHAhrarhhBzzt-"

[[RE]Leon]

"Are you still there?"

by the turrets were funny.

[Fragalishus]

1 entry for "How to Kill Someone with Your Bare Hands"

More cakes today need ingredients like this.

[Gordon_X]

"Remember when you were gonna fall into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like, "NO WAY". That was fun.

"You should marry if you love it so much."

[Avoidist]

"Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct."

[Lokizen]

"This next test, is impossible"
"I won't blame you if you just give up now"

[Boogaloo]

http://www.mediafire.com/?fbzjmvdzjhm

listen

[Gordon_X]

"Maybe Black Mesa. THAT WAS A JOKE. HAHA. FAT CHANCE.

[caru2]

"What are you doing? Whwhwhwhwhhwhwhw...We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you. We are very pleased with your sucess. We are throwing a party in honor of your tremendous success. Please place the device on the groundand lay on your stomach with your hands at your sides and a Party Associate will collect you for your party. Please assume the party submission position or you will miss the party."

or

"Oh no, somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait, but they cut it anyways."

or

"The experiment is nearing it's completion. The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake."

or

"Hahahahahha. I figured out what that thing you just incenerated was. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a dealdly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin, so please get comfertable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters"

or

"Please proceed quickly to the chamberlock, as the effects of prolonged exposure to the button are not part of this test."

That's good.

[ellimanest]

Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on "Heloooooo", that's you, that's how dumb you sound!

Best.